I am still alive and kicking for all of those who want to know. I have not died.. Well not yet anyway. Grr. I HATE NOT KNOWING WHAT TO DO! some one call me. i need to talk to.. to.. SOME ONE! i am in page at the moment and trapped to my own thoughts. its definently not healthy for me. :( oh well ttyl

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME!

well every one, i am alive and kicking. i know i haven't alerted you of manythings but thats just me. I am a procrastinator and, yes, i am lazy. But those demons are being worked out. I have been trying to find myself recently only to be on my own little twirling vortex downwards like a pilot crashing into earth. i am spinning and i have no control over it for now. I guess after i crash and burn i can pick up the peices again right? i don't know, they'll probably be all burnt to an ash anyway.

As for myself again, i am in the process of fighting demons, alot has happened since the last time i have written in this little blog and alot has changed about me. I got a lip peirce and then i cut my hair. Its ok so far, the lip peirce didn't hurt much. I don't have a phone to contact any one with and i feel deeply awful. For the things i have done and things that have been said to me and to others. i separated myself from my family in some kind of domino effect. I didn't even want to be separated like this too, i just wanted a little freedom and what do i get? the whole fucking delux package shoved down my throat. Absolute isolation. i suppose thats what i get though.

I have been listening to HIM alot lately and flyleaf, arch enemy and jazz recently. Why do i do this to myself? Pour salt and lemon juice on open wounds? I don't know really myself, i guess its because i don't think i have enough tourment in my life i gotto make it worse right? WRONG! because those particular bands and genres make me feel a little bit better, i suppose. What the hell is wrong with me, i can't seem to think straight, all i can do is wait and want what i can't have right this instant. GRRR. its frustrating. right now i should be reading but i can't seem to concetrate. i can't seem to stop thinking of him... silly girl with worthless stupid emotions.

-dani

Well.. as you can see.... i went to the horror fuckin pops concert the other day. and i just wanted to share my little piece of happiness with every one. :D Tiffy you shoulda been there. i am sure you would have had yourself some fuckin fun.. :D i miss you pal. and you too you little ol devil binxies! :P

HorrorPops

So there it lies, the whole mistake.
It eats away on us, it feeds on my mistakes.

Your satisfied smile, tells me it's not all right.
Like a father you watch me confess to all my lies.

[Chorus:]
I did it again, I made a mistake.
You're right now. Aren't you satisfied?
So I did it again, I made a mistake.
You're right now. Are you satisfied?
Are you satisfied my love?
Are you satisfied?
Hey

So maybe you were right
Maybe I'm not worth the fight
You being right is not, oh it's not nice.

I wish we had the nerve
To be as we were
I wish I could find the root to all good

[Chorus x2]

Poser is such a hypocritical word.. When someone says “oooh you’re a poser!” what happens when they get ostracized because they called someone this name, who, in a sense, really isn’t? What makes one a poser? Yeah there could be people trying to be something their not but isn’t that a style as any other?

A poser is a style and some people just haven’t realized that being one is not as bad as it may come to perspective. In a sense we are all that in one way or another. I mean the jack ass who once said “we are all equal” had issues. But honestly nothing can be more appalling than subjecting one’s self to becoming a hypocrite. So I guess the point I am trying to get to is that: If some one knew what a poser was, then they must have been one at one time themselves.

Being called a poser is like trying to say “I am better than her”.  So what? Since when is being gangsta is a style now, and being goth is a “in” thing? I thought there were just people trying to be themselves and nothing more. They are just trying to make themselves happy, just trying to find their sense style like a lot of people do.

I know that I wasn’t always the cynical teenager that said everything at the whim of my cuff. I was once a little girl that dragged around an old, yellow, wooden duck and played by myself at the I.H.S. housing in Crownpoint. No friends just me and my wooden duck in my own little world minding my own business. I was completely oblivious to the world because I lived in a small town and I didn’t care about what was going on in the harsh world. All I knew was that I was completely content with being myself and that no one could change that. Then middle school came along and then high school and my love for books. That changed my perspective and I grew up.

Now it seems as though every one has a label now, I for one have been labeled on a web site as “Fake Anger” in a thing called a burn book. A really shallow girl had a web site with all my friends’ pictures as well as mine and a label on it with “fake” at the beginning of every one. Its sad how she could live with herself thinking she could get away with this action. Oh no. I caught her and many of my friends as well, busted her trying to make her image in a more superior light. People like that are pathetic as the puke from a drunk. I have no sympathy for people who lie about other people. They make mistakes but I know they are better than that. I still don’t like her but she is no more of a moron than Paris Hilton. So I won’t put any more effort into this toad. She named me on her little website but I won’t name her although she is on this site as well.

“Toad” should describe how she looks anyway.

Any who, there is a difference between calling some one a poser and one a toad. She is a toad I know that for a fact because I have the right to call some one I know enough just that. Some one who just calls some random person a poser because they only know as much as their name or the way they dress or which band they sport is nothing to be proud of. But if he knows them and he knows how they are to him and how they act around him, is completely different. People just have to not be ignorant enough to understand why. They should only understand the point I am trying to give.

Things have changed from when I was a little girl with a wooden duck to now with my combat boots and “fuck you” attitude. So yeah I guess I am a poser with my attitude that I have learned from my father and mother, (greatest people I will ever meet) that had morals and brains. I guess I am a poser with my way of dressing because I like it, and the music I listen to because I LIKE IT!  And the people I consider friends because I LIKE THEM FOR WHO THEY ARE! I don’t go around calling people posers or toads. (just one person and she knows exactly who she is) I say it to her face and I tell her she is one and she will bitch but at least she knows that I don’t like her and I don’t put on a plastic smile and say “ No. No, your not that I didn’t say that!” I did and I will tell her again because I know how she is and how much I don’t like her.

Oh just a note. I don’t hate her because that would mean I care enough to put that much effort in to her ego.

And THAT’S A WRAP!

Bitch me back… if you dare. I will find every point in your argument against mine and spin it. You wanna watch the fire works?! C’mon I dare ya.. Be smart and think before you write, you could possibly change my perspective if persuasive enough.